For the people-pleaser who’s tired of it

You say yes when you mean no. Then you lie on the floor for an hour.

You can say no and stay kind. Book VII shows you how, starting with why yes comes out before you’ve even thought about it.

Get Book VII · $19.99 Or start with the $7 map

Instant PDF downloadRead it tonight on your phone365-day money-back promise

You got very good at keeping everyone comfortable

You wrote four paragraphs to get out of a brunch you never wanted to go to, and added a heart at the end so nobody would be upset. You’re the one everyone leans on. Lately nobody checks on you.

The people around you change your heart rate, your stress hormones and your sense of what’s possible. That’s a lot of power to hand to whoever happens to be nearby.

Sound familiar?

Sorry for being in the way

Someone steps on your foot and you say sorry. You apologize for asking a question, for an email being ‘too long’, for being in the way of someone who walked into you.

In 2010 the psychologists Karina Schumann and Michael Ross asked men and women to keep a diary of every offense they committed and every apology they made. Women apologized more. But when the researchers looked closer, both sexes apologized for about the same share of the offenses they noticed. The difference was the threshold: women counted many more moments as needing an apology in the first place.

So it isn’t that you apologize too much. Your radar says sorry is owed where nobody else thinks it is, because somewhere along the way you learned that other people’s comfort was your job.

Book VII is about the people around you and what they do to your nervous system: why some people settle you and others set you off, how to set boundaries that hold without turning into walls, and how to recognize the dynamics that wear you down.

Get Book VII · $19.99

A few months from now

The next favor someone asks

Someone asks for one more favor and you say, ‘I can’t this time.’ Two sentences. No heart emoji. They’re fine, and so are you. You spend the evening you would have given away doing nothing in particular, and it’s wonderful.

Get Book VII · $19.99

What you’ll understand

Read them in any order. Start with the one that sounds like your week.

The Neuroscience of Love and Bonding

Why the right person calms your body, and why the wrong one can feel like chemistry.

Boundaries and Emotional Safety

Spotting narcissism and toxic dynamics, and how to stop people-pleasing for good.

Parenting: Shaping the Next Generation

How to give your children the safety you had to build for yourself.

This book is for you if

Everyone calls you in a crisis. Nobody calls to ask how you are.
You apologize when someone else bumps into you.
You want to break a family pattern before it reaches your kids.
You’ve been in a relationship that made you doubt your own memory.

Start tonight

Book VII: Relationships and Community

$19.99

3 chapters, each one stands on its own
PDF, ready the moment you pay
A full year to change your mind

Get Book VII

365-day money-back promise. Read it for a year. If it didn’t help, you get every cent back. No questions asked.

Not sure where to start?

Find out where you are first. It’s $7.

From Survival to Feeling Safe maps the way out of survival mode in four stages, with the signs for each. Find your stage first, and you’ll know which book you need next, if you need one at all.

Get the map · $7 Not ready? Read a chapter free

Want Book II and Book IV as well? You get all of them in Heal Your Past, $49 instead of $59.97.

You can’t lose here

Read it for a whole year.

Change takes longer than a refund window usually allows, so ours is a year long. If at any point in the next 365 days you decide it didn’t help, email us at [email protected] and we’ll refund you in full. You don’t have to explain.

We’d rather you take a year to decide than not start at all.

Still wondering?

What exactly do I get?

A PDF you can download the moment you pay. Read it on your phone, tablet, laptop or e-reader, or print it at home. Bundles and the complete set include every book in them.

When does it arrive?

Immediately. Payhip shows you the download link on screen and emails it to you as well.

Do I have to read the books in order?

No. Each book works on its own, so start wherever it hurts most.

What if it doesn’t help?

You get your money back. You have 365 days: email us at [email protected] and we’ll refund you in full. No questions asked.

Is this only for women?

No. A nervous system is a nervous system. The examples lean toward the women we hear from most, and Book VI ends with a chapter on women’s hormonal health, but the rest applies to anyone with a body and a past.

Is this therapy?

No. It explains what’s going on inside you, so that everything else you try, therapy included, has something solid to stand on. If you’re in therapy already, bring it to your next session. If you’re struggling badly, please talk to a professional too.

These books are education, written to help you understand yourself. They don’t replace a doctor, therapist or crisis line. If you’re in danger or thinking about harming yourself, please contact your local emergency number or a crisis line right now.